That Wacky Satan

Apparently inspired by Sen. John Cornyn's (R-Texas) comments about the union of man and box turtle ("It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right"), Satan has redoubled his efforts to make the box turtle a tool of evil. This brings us to pet store owner Bryan Dora, from the suspiciously named city of Michigantown, Indiana. Seems that when a fire destroyed his pet store in October, the only survivor was a turtle. But not just any turtle. This red-eared slider was now emblazoned with the horrible visage of Satan himself(!).

According to Dora, "The marking on the shell was like the devil wanted us to know he was down there. To me, it's too coincidental that the only thing to come out unscathed would have this image on it." This manifestation of Lucifer would be all the more horrifying if the image on the turtle didn't more accurately resemble Bowser from Super Mario Brothers.

If I was in possession of this turtle, I'd put it on e-Bay along with the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. In a thousand years they could be just as popular as the Shroud of Turin. Invest today! This just goes to show that when not making life horrible for others, sometimes religion can be fun, too.