The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Who knew it'd be so hard to find pictures of midgets on the internet?

Although my memories of holidays past may be colored by the wide-eyed idealism of a young child, somehow I don't recall "The Christmas Season" ever starting the day after fucking Halloween. We find ourselves now in mid-November, deluged by exhortations to buy buy buy, for 'tis the season to prop up the consumer economy with an ever-weakening dollar. Spend those tax cuts now, because soon they won't be worth the paper they're printed on. (I'm not a Commie, just a concerned citizen).

Speaking of economic disaster, this brings me to another point that I've seen no comment upon from the liberal elites at the New York Times: are we in danger of eliminating the need for midgets to act as elves in holiday commercials? Every year finds a group of wee men in green stockings presenting that old fuddy duddy Santa with some gadget that the kids just have to find under the tree Christmas morning (such as the Cingular Wireless commercial that's been in heavy rotation lately). The holiday season seems to be when midgets get the majority of their television work. However, recent advances in film special effects, most strikingly seen in "The Lord of the Rings" and "Elf," threaten to render the "little people" irrelevant. Why would one hire midgets to play these roles if they can just hire short actors and shrink them, a la Bob Newhart? If they aren't careful, the little people could find their lucrative holiday commercial jobs outsourced and become resigned to bit roles in Austin Powers sequels and exploitation television like "The Littlest Groom." They'll always have live roles to fill at Santa's Village in malls everywhere, but that will mean leaving LA--a vagabond life. I just hope they have a good union.