Your Favorite Band Sucks

In an attempt to reconcile my previous confessions of rock geekdom, I will now deconstruct the three poses of the snob rock critic. Plentiful examples of the following can be found, ad infinitum, on Pitchfork.com or in the Village Voice, among others. Any review by a rock snob will inevitably fall into the following three categories.

1. Your favorite band sucks, especially when compared to my favorite band who never got the recognition they so richly deserved (most likely The Minutemen).
2. [Insert band name here]'s new album sucks, since nothing will ever compare to their earlier release, which only I am cool enough to have known about back in '92.
3. Only I can truly appreciate the hi-gloss, glitch-heavy, dance-ready, booty-tastic stylings of Gwen Stefani, whose true greatness you will never fully comprehend. Gosh, I hope Gwen Stefani talks to me backstage.
   

Such a fine line between geekdom and snobbery.