Be A Man, Be A Krugman!

China unpegs the yuen from the dollar! What the hell does this mean? Take it away, Mr. Krugman.

Penultimate Step

When I first heard about this Judge John G. Roberts fellow, he didn't sound too threatening. Sure phrases like "career Republican operative" and "corporate lawyer" raised warning flags, but I figured that he was just a place holder, someone to maintain the Republican majority on the court until Rehnquist dies. Being bereft of any substantial judicial record, Roberts could just as easily turn out not to be a conservative hack. Bush needed to knock Rove off the front pages and Roberts seemed like he'd get some press and be easily confirmed. Then, when his hand was stronger, Bush would try to swing for the fences with the bastard offspring of Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas. That's what I figured anyway. But E.J. Dionne is worried, and when he's worried, I get worried.

Courtesy of "White House Briefing"

Here is the text of Bush's remarks at the swearing-in ceremony for senior members of the White House staff on January 22, 2001.

An excerpt: "We have all taken an oath, and from this moment on it is our jobs to honor it. . . .

"[W]e must remember the high standards that come with high office. This begins with careful adherence to the rules. I expect every member of this administration to stay well within the boundaries that define legal and ethical conduct. This means avoiding even the appearance of problems. This means checking and, if need be, doublechecking that the rules have been obeyed. This means never compromising those rules."

Swift Justice

In an attempt to distract from the 24-hour Roveathon enveloping Washington, Bush has moved up the timetable on the Supreme Court nomination. He's supposed to announce his nominee at 9 p.m. ET tonight, with early speculation settling on Fifth Circuit Judge Edith Brown Clement of New Orleans. The elevation of a relative unknown to the top of the potential-justice pile raises several questions. Most pressing among them is this: are the rumors of Judge Clement's impending nomination just a clever ruse in order to disguise Bush's true choice, Red Sox starter Matt Clement? The hints are certainly there. Clement is listed as both batting and throwing from the right (wink, wink). Though his lifetime decisions may mark him as a centrist (79-78), he is currently listed at 10-3 in favor of the Red Sox (nudge, nudge). While it's just a rumor, and one that admittedly I started, it would finally give the Supreme Court softball team a pitcher who could throw the circle change.

Change the Channel

I realize that this is a tired gripe of mine, but what would happen if a Yankees game occurred and ESPN didn't air it in its entirety? Would it make a sound?

All Apologies

Seems like apologizing is the hot new trend of the week. Ken Mehlman apologized for the GOP's Southern Strategy (to little acclaim), Jude Law apologized for diddling the nanny, and everybody in government is demanding everybody else apologize for Rovegate ("He's a thug!" "No, a hero!"). At least abortion-clinic bomber Eric Rudolph isn't falling into the trap. Screw Love Story, it's being a crazy fucking right-to-life lunatic that means never having to say you're sorry.

Not that we should be expecting any apologies from the Bush administration. They've never made any mistakes, despite what that sell-out Doug Feith might say (it's probably a sign of how distracted the administration's become that they haven't gotten around to destroying Dougie, a la Richard Clarke and Paul O'neill). I've been trying to keep abreast of each side's salvoes (see here and here, for starters), but even someone with no job doesn't have the time to keep it all straight, especially with the waters being furiously muddied by the GOP. Will I relent in the face of their furious offense, and accept that Rove was merely a concerned citizen trying to clear up a misunderstading when he leaked to Matt Cooper and then said "I've said too much"? If I buy that then it's only a short hop, skip and a jump to black being white, up being down and bands named after places not sucking. The horror.

Curse Thee, Peacock!

Vile, old-skool logo!

It is with resignation that I've accepted NBC's continued shabby treatment of "Scrubs." Though nominated for four Emmys, the suits in Peacockland have decided that they'll use their only great show as a mid-season replacement, bumping it out of the opening fall line-up. Despite Zach Braff's skyrocketing notibility, the red-headed stepchild of National Broadcast Corp. will continue its wandering ways from day to day and timeslot to timeslot. Usurping the programmers, I recently spent the better part of a week watching the ambitious first season, newly released on DVD, and the show hits its stride with impressive speed. Funny stuff.

In a positive note, while continuing to prop up Thursdays with feculent garbage like "Will & Grace" and "Joey," NBC is bringing back "The Office" for another season. After disappearing from sight like poor Chrissie Watkins in Jaws, I thought we'd seen the last of the American adaptation. I'm pleased that Steve Carrell will be granted another chance to take this conceit to strange new places.

Enhancement Watch

Curiouser and curiouser

As of yesterday, Jason Giambi, he of BALCO testimony fame, has hit 8 home runs in 9 games. Has he already been tested twice and figures he won't have to pee in a cup again this season? Has he found something undetectable? Did he get tipped off that Victor Conte would plead guilty and he wouldn't have to go under oath again?

I've been watching your Seattle Mariners lose to Baltimore most of this evening. Since it's Orioles television, they show the local Maryland promotions. With a shrunken torso and dramatically elongated forehead, the Sammy Sosa bobblehead appears to be anatomically correct. Steroids are bad for you, kids.

Legislative Branch Celebrity Sightings!

One chili half-smoke, please!

Today's noteworthy lawmaking celebrity is Charles Rangel, who represents New York's mighty, mighty 15th district. Since this district includes Harlem, that means that Shaft is one of his constituents! The congressman was spied, avec bodyguard, heading into DC landmark Ben's Chili Bowl on U Street. Get to know him: here's some of Charlie's comments on Luther Vandross. He has a great, combed-back mass of congressional hair. It's a shame that the audio clips aren't working, since Rangel has a deep gravelly voice, reminiscent of the late DJ Wolfman Jack.

All-Star Break Update

No baseball. No job. At least there's PandaCam.

Naming Names

It must be hard to name new products these days. So much historical baggage (and more every day). I don't consider myself an aficionado of naming stuff, but I know when a name works (e.g. Snickers) and when a name doesn't (e.g. McGriddle). Still, I really feel that the namers of the Chevy "SS" and the Dairy Queen "MooLatte" could have tried a little harder, unless of course Nazis and America's dark legacy of slavery were the associations they were aiming for.

Reading Is Fun Again

Ice cream for freaks

If there's one thing more enjoyable than reading about your Seattle Mariners' recent four game sweep in Anaheim, it's the press smelling blood in the water as Karl Rove get exposed. As a released e-mail now shows, he was Matthew Cooper's source in the infamous Plame Affair. You are now instructed to register surprise (didn't see that one coming). And to think they were trying to implicate that poor, innocent Scooter Libby. After numerous denials (see here), Rove is now backed into corner and spinning his wheels in a positively Clintonian (as the right likes to say) way. Big Karl's main defense is that while he told Cooper that Joseph Wilson's wife was a CIA agent, it's not like he used her name or anything. Thus if I said I had been smoking crack with George W. Bush's wife, but didn't use her name, I would protect her anonymity.

Of course, nothing bad will happen to Rove. He's probably even going to keep his job. The Bush Administration will figure out some way to spin this, or just ignore it, and all will be business as usual. On the miniscule chance that he gets sent to jail, Bush will pardon him. As George Clooney so tenderly puts it in Out of Sight, in big boy prison people like Rove are "ice cream for freaks." But let's not be silly: menaces to society like Martha Stewart and Li'l Kim go to jail, not political masterminds. Bushie-Bush won't let his little boy genius come to any harm.

Actually, I'll retract an earlier statement. Reading about a Mariners sweep is more fun.

The World of Sport

Swing and a miss

Lance Armstrong and Roger Federer weren't the only ones defending their titles over the weekend. Takeru Kobayashi defeated all comers in the Nathan's Famous hot dog eating contest, his fifth straight year on top. Just reading about someone eating 49 hot dogs in 12 minutes makes me want to yak.

In other sporting news, your Seattle Mariners DFA'd Bret Boone. Commence the Jose Lopez Era. Still considered a potential hall-of-famer (best season ever by a second baseman in 2001), it's a shame he had to go out the way he did. And shame on Stuart Scott for that "no crying in baseball" reference on Sportscenter. Good luck, Bret, hopefully a playoff contender is interested in an aging second baseman who swings out of his shoes at ball four.

And finally, who hasn't asked themselves recently, "Gee, I wonder what 1970s all-star pitcher Dock Ellis is up to these days? Hey, didn't he once pitch a no-hitter while tripping on acid?" Well, ponder no more, my friends, thanks to the Dallas Observer.

List Making Excitement

I didn't even beat that pantywaist Lincoln?

Though admittedly addicted to the making of lists and the ranking of things (e.g. is John Cleese the funniest man alive?), I like to think that I approach the task with a certain measure of circumspectness. While there may be, for instance, an enjoyable hot dog in recent memory, I'm not one to declare any particular dog in my experience superior to all weiners in history. I could say something similar about white peaches. What I'm getting at is this--proximity doesn't equal superiority. Which brings me to The Discovery Channel and its recently conducted survey of Great Americans. The viewing public was asked to rate a list of 100 Americans, from Thomas Jefferson to Oprah Winfrey to the Wright Brothers, and rank them according to "greatness." According to the vote, the greatest person produced by this nation in 229 years of existence is (drumroll, please) Ronald Reagan. Are you kidding me? Lincoln was second! Worst of all, George Washington was fourth! George Fucking Washington, the father of the nation, didn't even medal. George W. Bush and Bill Clinton made the top ten(!). What can we conclude but that Rousseau was wrong, the will of the majority is not always correct. In short, democracy doesn't work. It's enough to make a person consider benevolent dictatorship.