What!?

The Yankees are in first place? Baseball is so boring.

Let My People Go (on vacation)

Closing in on two months in the movie "bidness" and where has it gotten me? I've learned anyone will take you if you're willing to work for free. But all this toil, these 14-hour days in New York Town can really get to a person. Life is tough when you're stuck on a small parcel of land filled with people who don't get along and speak different languages (and don't get me started on the beastly heat). So I'm saying "goodbye to all that" and taking a break from all this strife: I've gone to Israel. In a place like that, it's a sure bet there'll be nothing but peace and quiet for me!

Solidarity, Brother!

Deer, meet headlights

If there was an international brotherhood of interns, a sort of coffee-fetching Teamsters union, then our leader would be Mike Brown. Brown, as you may know, is the stunningly incompetent, alarmingly unqualified head of FEMA. Last week he was just another Bush administration hack who owed his job to cronyism, but now he's been promoted to full-time press punching bag and administration scapegoat. Just today he was removed from Katrina relief operations and may soon be out of work, hence why I'm offering him the position of Jimmy Hoffa of the Interns. The pay sucks, but I'm sure there are some office supplies that won't be missed.

The reason for Brown's god-like status among interns is that he embellished his resume to make a long-ago internship into qualification for heading a major federal agency. Aside from claiming to have been a professor of political science, though not even having a degree from an accredited law school, "Brownie" made other fibs on his resume. The most egregious was his claim that he was...well, I'll just reprint the paragraph from Time:

" The White House press release from 2001 stated that Brown worked for the city of Edmond, Okla., from 1975 to 1978 "overseeing the emergency services division." In fact, according to Claudia Deakins, head of public relations for the city of Edmond, Brown was an "assistant to the city manager" from 1977 to 1980, not a manager himself, and had no authority over other employees. "The assistant is more like an intern," she told TIME.

The very tender distinction between "assistant city manager" and "assistant to the city manager" is one sure to make any fan of "The Office" smile.

Well, that's enough about our fabulous future leader, "Brownie." He's just a "time off to spend time with family" and a presidential freedom medal away from his glorious new post with the interns union. As for me, I'm off to "update" my resume.

In the News...

A Mississippi judge has ordered Edgar Ray Killen, a former Ku Klux Klan member, back to prison pending appeal. Killen was convicted of inciting the murder of three civil rights workers in 1964. Despite the forty-year delay, there wasn't ever much question about Killen's guilt. I mean, the guy is a Southerner with three names, which pretty much guarantees that you killed somebody in the Sixties. As far as I know, the only person fitting this description not responsible for a murder is Billy Ray Cyrus, although this doesn't take into account "Achy Breaky Heart."

Sympathy for the Working Man

When I first saw that shortstop/left-fielder Mike Morse had been suspended for steroids, I figured it was just another borderline Mariner caught "shopping at GNC" (see Jamal Strong, Ryan Franklin, etc.). Why can't your Seattle M's learn that when you cheat you're supposed to win?

But there's more to the story than Mikey trying to break out of the AAA ghetto. It turns out he's being suspended for something that happened down in the minors nearly a year and a half ago. The bigger shock is that he fessed to it, admitting using steroids instead of alledging a shadowy conspiracy. While I normally advocate the Frank Robinson solution for players caught juicing, I'd like to make an exception for Morse. MLB has once again fouled up this important issue. So, enjoy your break, Mike. See you in 10.

Gilligan RIP

So long, little buddy.

Bob Denver passed away today. Denver touched many a soul, first as as the original TV beatnik, Maynard G. Krebs, on The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis. In addition to being the first (and last) sitcom to reference Thelonius Monk, Denver's character can also be credited with discovering the Krebs cycle. As the lovable bumbler Gilligan, he foiled a Russian submarine crew, numerous hostile natives and met the Harlem Globe Trotters. Say what you will about his general lassitude re: "escaping the island", Gilligan could never be accused of taking an unreasonable amount of clothing on a three-hour tour. Still, I will always hold him in highest esteem for not narc-ing on Dawn Wells when he got busted for pot possession. Bob Denver: a true American hero.

10 Songs

In an attempt to further blog-to-blog conversation, I am going to allow the baton to be passed and list the 10 songs currently in heavy rotation on the ol' personal jukebox.

The Decemberists: 16 Military Wives
Wilco: At Least That's What You Said
The Mountain Goats: Up the Wolves
Elliott Smith: Memory Lane
Bob Dylan: I Was Young When I Left Home
Lucinda Williams: Lake Charles
The Who: Substitute
Bright Eyes: Easy/Lucky/Free
The Band: Jemima Surrender
The Streets: Geezers Need Excitement

No big suprises there, but I can't afford any new music. As Donald Rumsfeld might say, you go to war with the CD collection you've got, not the one you want.

Ray of Hope

Though things have been characteristically dire for your Seattle Mariners this season, there is reason to hope for 2006. Now that the AP-wire sports stories are referring to Mariners' phenom Felix Hernandez as "King Felix," I can finally start telling people that this kid is for real. Ending his first month in the major leagues, he's 3-2, with a 1.59 ERA and 50 strike outs. If he played for any team but the Mariners (or perhaps Royals), he'd be 7-0. All this, and he was born in 1986(!). He is, dare I even think it, the second coming of Doc Gooden, but without (knock on wood) those nagging substance abuse problems.

Apologies

I know this poor little blog has withered through the summer, like a neglected houseplant, so I shall rededicate myself to keeping it filled with small observations of dubious pertinence. Thank you for your time.

Headlines

It's not by choice that I am often confronted with MSNBC.com headlines. It's a feature of the default sign-out page for Hotmail, which I'm told only out of touch technological dinosaurs such as myself still use. But ANYWAY, you might think that given that the chief justice of the Supreme Court died AND 10,000 people are predicted killed by a hurricane AND we're involved in an ill-advised land war with murky objectives AND poverty just rose for the fourth straight year, we wouldn't have to hear any more about Natalee Holloway. But MSNBC is still flying that flag, right below Indonesian jet crash and Jerry Rice retiring. It just makes a person...mad.

However, I did learn that, in a real sign of progress, Iraq has resumed state executions for the first time since the deposing of Saddam (though this particular fact really denigrates the gangland-style executions that have been going on the streets). Bush should be pleased, as executing prisoners seemed to be the only function of government he excelled at.